When Mediation Isn’t Mediation

At times, when formal mediation is not possible, either because the parties will not agree to a formal mediation or because the person in conflict has not yet approached the other party, Resolve provides help for interested persons to negotiate their own conflict.  Resolve, in certain circumstances, is able to provide conflict coaching to help individuals work toward solving their own disputes.

For example, sometimes just sharing the steps necessary to promote a productive conversation is enough to help someone resolve their own conflict. Outlined below are those steps:

STEPS TO RESOLVE A CONFLICT

1. Think of a constructive way to deal with the situation before you speak.

2. Both people need to agree to ground rules:

• No interrupting
• No name calling or put downs
• Speak for yourself, not for the other person

3. One person tells their view of the situation using ‘I messages’.

An ‘I message’ has four parts:
a.    “I feel………..……..”
(state the feeling)

b.    “when you………..”
(describe the other person’s behavior)

c.    “because…………..”
(describe the results of the other person’s behavior)

d.    “and I want……….”
(state what would correct the situation for you)

4. Second person restates what the problem is for the first person.
(Steps 3 and 4 are repeated with the second person telling their view, and the first person restating.)

5. Both people suggest and list possible solutions.

6. Both agree on a resolution by choosing from list in Step 5.

7. How did it go? What might work better next time?

Three Ways to Actively Listen:

• Clarify – get more information, ask questions.
• Restate – say in your own words what you heard the other person say, including their feelings.
•  Encourage – use neutral or non-threatening words to help another person say more about the situation and how they feel.

REMEMBER, if you are unable to resolve a conflict yourself, Resolve is here to help!